I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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