Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
