I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
