Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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