did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
