we have officially lost it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
