Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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