So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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