I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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