The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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