My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
