i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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