i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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