I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
