She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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