I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
