What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't deserve a penis
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
