I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
