found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
