I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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