Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
