I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
