I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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