some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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