I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
