ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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