No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
