Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
