Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
