Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
