Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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