A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The uberlube is also flammable
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
