it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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