Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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