so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
