You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
