How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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