all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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