If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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