This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
