I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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