My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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