Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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