I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
