dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
