Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
