forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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