xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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