WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
