Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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