I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize