Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
