My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
