I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
