Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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