Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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