In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
