Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
