Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
