He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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