hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
