Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
