I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
