my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
