Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
