Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize