I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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