super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
