i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
