Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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