just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
