You're earring is so big in my mouth
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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