Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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