she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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