I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
