Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
