he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
