I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Come on in and take your pants off
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize