I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
