We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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