Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just pee around me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
