I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize