you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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