His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
