I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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