I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
