I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
