so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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