I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
