who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Are we still banned from the library?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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