Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
