I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm sobbing to NWA
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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