I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
